Thursday, November 19, 2009

The GRE Odyssey...

What a journey this has been... It has taught me so much while, at the same time, it has reiterated life's past lessons.. Lessons i failed to learn before. Its true, if you do not learn from your mistakes, you make yourself susceptible to the same pain and hurt once more. And this time, you deserve it. I seem to lie in the category of people who never learn, no matter what.

It all began in the month of July, when post an insightful invective from my family, for "not doing anything constructive about my future", I considered their proposal for further studies and thus, the GRE. Most of my friends were either taking it or were already done with it. So there I was, on the 5th of July 2009, at the office of the premier institute for training in GRE in India, Dilip Oak's Academy. It was within the first week of classes itself that i realised, that I was going to love attending these classes and that it was going to be a highly enriching experience. The professors were the best I had ever had. Experts in their field. If there was a GRE training institute equivalent to the IITs & IIMs in India, they would be the first people to be hired. Suddenly i found myself poring over books, the thirst for knowledge rejuvenated. The more I heard/read the more i wanted to know. It had been a long time since I felt that way and I loved the feeling. I had not been so passionate about studying in such a long time. The blend of the wish to do well and the will to strive almost had an intoxicating effect. It made me forget all those horrible years of engineering, where every exam was written with a 40 in mind. I was enamored with studying again.

The subjects especially responsible for this effect were GRE Verbal and Analytical writing(AWA). I have always taken Math for granted. Its (thankfully) come very easily to me for the most part and so I am guilty of almost having a callous attitude towards it. (Dont mean to brag). It was the English sections-Verbal & AWA that particularly fascinated me. They made me fall in love with studying. Moreover, they helped accomplish what I thought was impossible for me, a love for reading. It was the GRE english that changed my life over the past few months. I would like to believe that it changed me, at least slightly. It reinstated my lost confidence. It made me feel that I wasn't all that bad as a student. My Verbal ability, that gradually improved (with a LOT of help of course) made me feel that I probably had the capability to, not only pursue a masters degree, but also to perform fairly well. The writing section gave me an opportunity to pour my heart out on paper. I had almost forgotten how much I loved to write. I know I am no Chetan Bhagat or Shobha De in the making. However, I would like to believe that I can express myself well through the written media. Thanks to the GRE I have had the opportunity to try my hand at these subjects once more.

Today as I measure what I have lost and gained as I took this exam, I realise that I have gained so much. What I have lost in the bargain, or rather failed to achieve; a good score despite striving, is inconsequential as compared to what I have gained. Knowledge is never wasted and a score card can hardly be a just measurement of the knowledge acquired. I think by refusing to pursue higher studies, I am being unfair to myself. Im simply trampling upon another dream as one couldn't be fulfilled. Just because one thing didn't take shape does not mean the others wont too. Why not try? What I can do is, this time i can remember the lesson I have failed to learn in so long. Try not to have any expectations or demands from myself and certainly not overrate my abilities. Try not to think of the outcome and just do the needful. Let the future unravel at its own pace and reveal its mysteries for you.
I hope I finally learn this time.

Its a long post?!? Well, it has been a long and eventful journey.....